Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Finish Line

Will I ever get there? Do I have what it takes? I am home sick and have been watching too much daytime tv that has to do with weight loss. I have been thinking a lot about my weight lately - why am I so heavy? what is holding me back? what am I afraid of? Sadly I do not have an answer to any of these questions. I have part of the answer but I think I am missing something - I think the struggle is deeper than eating right and moving more. That I can do....I only seem to be able to keep it up for a short time and then I fall back in to "old" ways. I know what I need to do. I was watching Dr. Phil and he said about cleansing your environment - if it isn't in the house you probably won't go out and get it. I know for most things I wouldn't and if I do that I must have really wanted it.

I keep talking about starting over and I'll be "better" next week or tomorrow. It is not about being "better" - it is about making changes to myself and how I see myself. My weight plays a large roll in my life - there are a lot of times that I let it take over - I really need to find a "healthy" (mentally) way of approaching weight loss. I am terrified that I am going to pass my unhealthy body image to my beautiful little girl. Again with Dr. Phil - a mom who put her 11 year old on a celery diet so she won't get at like her mom had - she also felt only skinny girls get the good, rich husbands. This woman is crazy but I am terrified that I will somehow pass something terrible on like that to Grace. Not in the same extreme but I talk bad about myself all the time and I am constantly on a "diet".

My husband and I have been talking a lot about eating better lately. We have fallen into what is "easy"....not usually the best for us. We need to start meal planning and working together. I find I am just too lazy by the time I get home to make a whole huge meal by myself does not appeal. I just want something easy and fast. Why can't easy and fast be healthy? It can - I have a crock pot and there are many things that are quick and healthy. We have been feeling run down - we spend so much time worrying about Grace eating right and getting enough fruits and veggies and forgetting that we need the same. Must treat myself better.


  1. I could have written this post! I feel the exact same way except that I have 2 daughters I'm afraid that don't' eat right. I always think "tomorrow" or "on Monday" I'll start and it's so aggravating. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

    Hang in there! We'll both find what works for us and start heading in the right direction.

  2. This has been my struggle for most of my life, the last 3 years after my son, it has been getting off the last 10 or 15 pounds, which would seem easy. For me its not. You will find what works for you. For me right now the 17 day diet book has really shaken up my routine of binge, starve, become negative in a good way. The scale is finally going down.
    I think all moms are guilty of treating our children's health better than our own, but the reality is they will become what we do not what we say. This is something I struggle with daily.

  3. HI!! It's been a while since I stopped by, just wanted to say hi and check up on you, hope you're doing well! :)